I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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