just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
