there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
