It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
