I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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