I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
