I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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