One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
