Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
