I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
