No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
