I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
