I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
