i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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