and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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