just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
