Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
