Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
