This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
