Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
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how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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