I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
