so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
