We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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