I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
