I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm at about main and main street
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
