Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize