sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
How naked do you want me to be?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
