Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
