i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
