Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
