Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
