You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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