I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
