No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
