when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
