Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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