I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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