his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
