her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
