If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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