she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
