wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize