oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
