I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
