I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
