My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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