Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
