My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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