So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
