You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
