i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
