I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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