Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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