dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
