My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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