I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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