We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
