i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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