So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize