would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
