you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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