we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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