I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
