i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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