Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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