DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize