I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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